i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
being pregnant is like rehab
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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