Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
