OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
