I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
