i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
