3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
