I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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