I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
