awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
