Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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