You can't motorboat a personality
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
