Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
