I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
