after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
