i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
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