i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
