Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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