I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
