i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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