And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
