The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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