two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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