We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
