Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
