i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
