I must be too annoying 4 u.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
