There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
