Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
