Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
