You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
