i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
