you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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