oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
