o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
