i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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