I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
