: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
