You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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