Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
