Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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