The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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