Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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