All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
