if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
