It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
