I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
