I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
