Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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