You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
