woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
