New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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